When I was ten years old, I used one of my father's micrometers as a wrench to tighten (really tighten) the nuts on my skateboard. After my father's initial rage died down, he then went into a lesson about the differences between crescent wrenches and micrometers. Point being: Kids don't know any better. The lad in question here wasn't a drummer. He didn't know better. He was only imitating what he saw real drummers doing in MTV videos. The first mistake was giving expensive professional gear to someone who had no knowledge how to properly use it. How many of you allow that "I'm-a-drummer-too" amateur in the audience to get behind your professional kit at a gig? I don't.

Mike

The no remorse would be my issue.

I play heavy metal/Rock regularly and the snare head looks way worse than that after about an hour. That one actually has a few more songs left in it.

When wood wins over Bronze, there`s a flaw in the metal.

If the wood is hefty enough with enough force and the cymbal is thin enuf, that's not a flaw, that's inappropriate use.

I play hard rock and I can pretty much crack a thin or xtra thin crash at will.

Some cymbals are not meant to be bashed.

I TRIED to break one of those el-cheapo Orion cymbals and couldn't do it with a drumstick. I took full swings at the thing and nothing. I hit it on the edge, the center, the bell etc. I was actually getting ticked off a little because I thought it would be much easier to do...........

I am inclined to agree with Oddball here. Some cymbals are pre-determined to break based upon physical characteristics in their material that I do not have any knowledge of to speak intelligently of. I have heard cats talk about burying them in dirt, rolling with mallets to align the fibers or whatever. I just think that it is a metal made of other metals and the process isn't 100% perfect, and there will be lesser quality cymbals being made of the same stuff, that over time will crack where others won't.

It`s wobbling to the point of fatigue if anything, but I can`t see wood breaking Bronze. My 20" B8 has been beat to death but is only dented and bent in spots. Kinda like a warped LP vinyl record of days past.

I can't see flesh breaking brick but those Kung Foo dudes seem to be able too! lol

you should never give the good stuf to a beginner you should of known better son or no son period sorry for your loss

I let another drummer use my studio kit a few weeks ago and had my nice 16" A Zildjian late 50's early 60's up. Noticed a few days after the session it had a small crack from the edge about a half inch long. Never again will anyone use my cymbals to record. I realized he was a little heavy handed but just crashing the dog s€#t out of a cymbal is ridiculous. New rule, drummers Bring their own cymbals. And if you dent up my heads I will charge for those too.

The "no remorse" part is what sucks which translates to no respect for others property. Probably not what the academics would suggest but I'd wait 'till it blows over and then borrow or use something he is passionate about and accidentally break it. Oops, sorry. Childish? Perhaps, but how else will he ever know how empty you felt?

Sorry to hear about the damage to your heirloom cymbal.

You didn't ask for advice, just commiseration, so apologies if I'm out of line.

I am not a parent, but I used to be a teenager (which I guess these days, 22 is maybe the new 16), and here's what would have worked best with me:

Right now you are rightfully angry with him (and as you say, with yourself for putting your cherished cymbal at risk). Let that simmer down before you proceed. He seems to be reacting to your anger with a display of apathy.

As I said, "display." Unless he's a complete sociopath, there is shame in there and he's covering it up.

The approach that would have had the most impact with me would be to express your sadness at having had your prized heirloom damaged.

Focus on expressing your feelings, not his irresponsibility. If you rail on him about the irresponsibility, his defenses will go up and he'll push back with his passive act. It's better to emphasize the consequences of his irresponsibility. "You did this and it hurt me."

"I was happy that you took an interest in playing my acoustic set, and then when I got home and saw it in that condition, I was really angry. And when I saw the crack in grandpa's cymbal, I was sad, I felt sick. That cymbal means a lot to me and now it will never be the same."

He may not respond to that right away, but it will cut to the bone (in a good way). It may take years, but the lesson (and your reaction to it) will stick with him.

It's hard at this point to think about showing vulnerability, but if you can manage it, it's a good thing for him to learn how to do himself. You showed it to us, a bunch of strangers, so you can do it.

Then you can say that if he wants to help make it up to you, he can buy you a new snare head and sticks, and either help you stop drill the crack or pay to have the crack cut out by a pro. Rather than demanding, suggest that he do these things if he wants to. Then rather than the parent/punishment thing, he decides if he wants to man up or not. You are both grown men, after all, and if a friend sat down at your kit and accidentally did these things, you wouldn't demand recompense. Treat him like the man he should be, and let him do the rest. He may surprise you.

I favor cleanly cutting the crack out, as IME, it looks better and does a better job of stopping further cracking. And the chunk out of it will serve as a reminder to him.

You're teaching him the lesson that when you mess up, the thing to do is make whatever amends you can and move on.

AND, after you settle down, show him how to hit a crash with a glancing blow and not hit through the freaking cymbal. AND, tell him how you can hit an electronic kit as hard as you want, but NOT an acoustic kit.

That's more likely how he cracked a cymbal that's been played for 50 years with no incident: the cymbal wasn't flawed, he just hit it wrong.